Dialogue: A Little Sit-Down with Dr. Sun

A Little Sit-Down with Dr. Sun

From a cancelled regular therapy session, Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, China’s national hero and liberator from a 3000 year imperial rule, takes a break from his perfect afterlife and visits an admirer in the 21st century.
Slowly, a shape appears and a form is discernable amidst a swirling of dust and light.

Gershom: Whoah! Cool!

Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, whole and smiling, appears after an amazing spectacle of lights.

Dr. Sun: Thank you. Not so many people get to appreciate it nowadays. They either run or just stay there affixed, too dumbfounded to speak.
Gershom: It really was cool! Thank you for coming by the way.
Dr. Sun: It’s nothing. Anyway, my psychiatrist was out today; didn’t even inform me in advance, the fool.
Gershom: Oh, there are psychiatrists up there?
Dr. Sun: There still are, son.
Gershom: (turning serious) Anyway, what I want to say first of all, Dr. Sun, is that you really have been such an inspiration to me after all you’ve done for China and Democracy! Nationalism even.
Dr. Sun: Really now? Thank you for saying so. I’ve never thought my admirers would even include the turn-of-the-millennium generation.
Gershom: Well, they do.
Dr. Sun: Son, you know, my biggest regret was dying.
Gershom: Why? I mean, Dr. Sun, you’ve lived a full life with unparalleled achievements that inspired the whole of Asia.
Dr. Sun: I know, but what I wanted was to live long enough to see the arrival of the new millennium.
Gershom: Why is that?
Dr. Sun: Well, first, it’s supposed to give great luck to those who witness it. I’ve even heard from colleagues now with me in the afterlife that the coming of the new millennium grants a person’s one wish, any wish. Second, I figure I’ll need to be up-to-date in style. I was a pioneer of fashion during my time, you know; imagine the whole of China, Japan even, waiting for my next outfit every time I appear for press.
Gershom: Really? (rolls eyes in disbelief) I have not heard of that tradition you mentioned first though, and the second is just plain unbelievable.
Dr. Sun: Oh, thinking about it now, it’s another one of those craps Mao Tze Tong sold to the people with his revolution. Haay… To think I almost fell for that! (sighs in frustration)
Gershom: I see you’ve still got some anger.
Dr. Sun: Obviously! (gets an attitude) Duuh…
Gershom: Attitude alert. (rolls eyes again) Anyway, can’t you just forgive him for driving you and your government out of China? I mean, past is past, dude…
Dr. Sun: Oh, that? That was nothing. If that was the only reason to hate him then I’ve already forgiven him long ago, fast and easy.
Gershom: Then why still harbor so much hatred?
Dr. Sun: Well, first, to tell you the truth, he was a better (gestures with his middle and pointer finger from the right and left hand) ‘husband’ than I ever was.
Gershom: What do you mean? (eyebrows raise with a curious look) You were a loving husband; according to Mrs. Sun, gentle and kind even.
Dr. Sun: Exactly! That’s the problem. I was too ‘gentle and kind’. You know what my wife used to call me after our first night together?
Gershom: What?
Dr. Sun: 老松 (Lao song)! Old softie! I never got to satisfy her in bed!
Gershom: My goodness, Dr. Sun. I didn’t know you’re this open about your marriage.
Dr. Sun: What do you expect? I’m dead so that’s no matter. Anyway, I never knew how Mao got to be so good at it.
Gershom: At what?
Dr. Sun: Oh, I don’t know if I should tell you this. You’re just an impressionable young adult, better leave things for you to discover and explore.
Gershom: (totally interested) Oh, come on. Don’t be shy.
Dr. Sun: Oh, alright. Since we’ve been talking about it, I guess, what the heck. Well, did you know that old man Mao had a lot of women?
Gershom: You mean, lovers?
Dr. Sun: No! Those women didn’t love him. He ordered his guards to drag them in his chambers. My colleagues tell me he’s had about seven hundred just before he had enough.
Gershom: Really? (now totally immersed in the discussion)
Dr. Sun: Yes. And the problem is, he was ten years my senior! He was practically an old man and still was a lot better! (total sarcasm) What did he have for tea, soup number 5?
Gershom: (lost) Soup number 5?
Dr. Sun: (matter-of-factly) You know, the murky soup with ginseng, chicken guts, chili pepper, and male deer genitals, balls and all.
Gershom: (completely disgusted and nauseous, previous curiosity totally gone) Whoah… Oh, yuck! (trembles with disgust)
Dr. Sun: Get used to it, son! That’s life for a man. Someday, you’ll have to drink medicine just to let yourself feel anything, change your diet just to maintain your virility, and ultimately, wake it up, slap it down, tug it hard and…
Gershom: (cuts in) My goodness, I’m totally disgusted at the moment. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation, with you!
Dr. Sun: Oh, well, that soup never worked on me anyway. Tried it a couple of times; all that bitter aftertaste and moist chewy genitals in my mouth for nothing. (looks defeated)
Gershom: Whoah! (on the peak of disgust and about to throw up) Dr. Sun, too much info here! (tries to maintain control) Can we just move on to your next reason for hating Mao?
Dr. Sun: Fine then, you were the one who got me talking about it in the first place.
Gershom: I don’t think I’ll be eating for days after this. (still nauseous)
Dr. Sun: Sorry, hope didn’t rattle you too much. (apologetic)
Gershom: Oh, it’s no problem. (in control of desire to purge at last) I get these things all the time.
Dr. Sun: So anyway, the second reason I hate Mao so is that he was such a copycat!
Gershom: (once again, lost) A copycat?
Dr. Sun: Yes! First, he steals my strategy: revolution. He gets people aroused with anger and complains about my leadership. The next thing I know, I’m out of China and he’s starting he’s ‘Hundred Flowers’ Revolution. A pretty stupid name for a futile movement, if you ask me. Next, he totally steals my fashion statement! (snaps fingers in a circular motion three times, like a black American girl with attitude)
Gershom: You mean the traditional Sun Chong uniform? The one with the stiff Chinese collar and the lame bleak design?
Dr. Sun: Yes. It was my design, I patented it! It was both practical yet sophisticated. You could wear it to work and be comfortable while being totally hip and sexy all at once!
Gershom: Totally boring if you ask me.
Dr. Sun: No one’s asking you, stupid boy! (attitude again) You won’t see fashion even if it hits you right across your face! (does the snapping thing again)
Gershom: Attitude overload! (rolls eyes yet again) So much drama. Fine. (tries to appease) I guess I don’t know fashion as you do.
Dr. Sun: Anyway, he totally stole my look. Style-stealer that he was; he even made it his signature outfit, used in every press appearance.
Gershom: Well, hearing it from my point of view, these things are quite trivial, and I believe you can get over all of them easy. (sympathetic)
Dr. Sun: I know; I know I have issues. I try to change, all right? That’s why I allow my psychiatrist to charge me ridiculous amounts of heaven money for sessions. (as if in compensation) I really try to change, honey; I do. (said ‘honey’ as a black American mother might say to her daughter)
Gershom: That’s good. Thank you for your time, Dr. Sun. I have to say, it’s been quite insightful, this little chat of ours. Now, I think it’s time I get my own psychiatrist, one that’s alive that is. (turns to leave)

Dr. Sun Yat Sen, pleased to have satisfied an admirer, vanishes in a similar swirling of dust and light.